


Middle of Nowhere

by HarperJean, InvisiblyShaken_827



Series: Anthology Series [1]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe - 1960s, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Conspiracy, F/M, Fandom, Gen, Murder Mystery, Stalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-07-04 14:09:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15842895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarperJean/pseuds/HarperJean, https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvisiblyShaken_827/pseuds/InvisiblyShaken_827
Summary: Part One of the Anthology Series.  One story for every song.





	1. Thinking of You

_Fly the wings of an eagle, glide along with the wind , no matter how high...I'll be thinking of you the whole time._

She gave herself a smirk in the mirror and fluffed her hair, pleased with her final look. She’d spend the last two hours blending, curling, spraying and setting. She needed every hair to fall perfectly in place; every highlight and contour to be perfectly executed. This night required nothing short of perfection.

She’d been waiting for this for her entire life. 

Her stomach fluttered at the thought of it. In just a few short hours, she would finally be in his arms. All the wishing and pining and patient planning would pay off. 

Since the day she’d first seen him, she had known they were soulmates. They were much younger then and neither of them had any clue what that truly meant, Still, she never forgot the pull she’d felt on her heart at the sight of him. The silent cry from deep within her would not be silenced until they were united by the cosmos.

She looked at his picture on her wall, where it had been hanging for over a decade. His golden hair shined like a halo around his perfect face. Even as a young boy, he’d wielded an unearthly beauty that forced people to stare. He’d been the object of affection for countless others over the years, but no one truly saw him like she did. She could see his true power was more than just an angel face and clear blue eyes. 

He was an old soul. A poet. A deep well of truth and love.

She caught herself staring at the face in the frame and smiled. It was thrilling to look back at the beginning of it all, revisiting the highest highs of infatuation. Still, time was running out and she needed to stay focused if she was going to make it.

The dress she’d selected was tight,short, and unlike anything she had ever worn before. She usually opted for comfort or economy over glamour, but tonight warranted a more dramatic change. He would never see it coming.

Over the years, she’d become accustomed to sharing him. He was so magnetic that the masses were drawn to him. In groups, he would always make sure she knew that he was aware of her presence and find a way to make her feel special. Sometimes all it took was a look and she would know he was wishing he was talking to her instead of all the other people who were always demanding his attention. 

She saw herself as his advocate; a friend who had his back from the beginning. New admirers were come and go, but she remained his steadfast ally. She’d watched as he’d navigated his early romantic entanglements. She supported him through crushes and heartbreaks, knowing someday he would see what had been staring him in the face the whole time.

She looked herself up and down in the the full-length mirror. There was no way he would miss her this time. She snapped a few pictures with her phone, proud that her painstaking work had paid off.

She grabbed a tube of lipstick from her vanity and spread the rosy shade across her lips, unable to stop herself from imagining his. She let her mind wander to a place where they were nearly nose to nose, his head turning slightly to kiss her for the first time. She felt her cheeks flush and she giggled into the mirror. She felt like little girl, bubbling over with unabashed glee. 

She scolded herself playfully and shook her head to clear the beautiful mirage. If she was going to stay on schedule, she needed to stop daydreaming. Her phone buzzed and she snatched it up, eager for a distraction. She gasped at the notification that he’d posted on Instagram.

He’d shared a breathtaking image of her hometown skyline. She knew he’d landed hours ago but his post sent a rush of adrenaline through her entire body. This was real. It was happening. She double-tapped, then added her comment.

This is gorgeous, babe. Can’t wait to see you! 

She gave herself a final once-over, grabbed her clutch from the bed and dropped the tube of lipstick inside. She practically sprinted to her car, her excitement propelling her faster than her high heels would usually allow. She dropped into the driver’s seat and started the engine. The stereo blasted the song she cued up and she beamed as she pulled out of her parking spot.

The lyrics of the song always got her heart beating out of her chest. He’d written the song just for her and he knew exactly how to reach the very depths of her soul. His music had always been the way he’d expressed his true self to the world and she loved when she could hear herself in the songs.

She flashed back to the first night he’d played this one for her. He’d stood behind the piano and looked her in the eye as he sang. They were just kids back then, but she knew the song would resonate with her forever. It was their little secret. No matter where their lives led them, from that night on, they would always come back to each other.

She knew his career would take him away from her. He was too talented and too beautiful to stay out of the limelight. Still, listening to her song reminded her that, no matter what, he would find his way back to her. She was his home.

She drove all the way to the concert venue, playing her song on repeat and unable to stop giggling. When she finally made it to the parking ramp, it was crowded and she was forced to find a spot way at the top. Normally, she would find this incredibly irritating but not this night. Nothing could bring her down.

She checked her phone for word from him, but there was nothing. She figured he was busy getting ready for the show. The sky was filled with dusk and the light was gorgeous. She snapped a selfie and uploaded it to Instagram, adding the perfect caption, meant specifically for him.

_~*~The only thing I know is that I’m in love with you!~*~ I’m here babe and I can’t wait to be with you tonight! #alifetimeinthemaking_

She imagined his face lighting up at her words. Their words. She skipped happily toward the venue doors, already swamped with people. She squeezed past them and found the ticket attendant.

“I’ve got a VIP pass,” she chirped. He looked at her, puzzled.

“You mean a ‘membership’ pass, or…?

“Is that what you’re calling it here?”

He glared at her for a moment, then nodded and pointed toward a flight of stairs. She smiled politely and thanked him, trying not to be too bothered by his ignorance. He wasn’t the first and certainly wouldn’t be the last to fail to recognize her. She leapt up the steps, two at a time, unable to wait any longer. 

She found herself in the balcony and was overcome with emotion. She realized he must have planned it this way. She wouldn’t have to fight the masses on the ground, sweaty and packed in like sardines. He wanted her to be able to see him from above, bathed in moonlight. Juliet to his Romeo. She swooned and placed herself against the railing right above the stage.

Her whole body was buzzing as she waited for him to take the stage. She looked around, amazed that he was able to reserve so much space for just her. It was the most romantic thing he’d ever done. In that moment, she knew this was it. After tonight, everything would change.

He’d be all hers. There would be no more months apart, no more waiting endlessly for any word from him, no more listening to any mention of his wife and kids…  
The lights dimmed and the crowd below began to cheer wildly. She leaned over the railing and watched as he and his band took the stage.

He looked like something alien; all shimmery and god-like. His smile was brighter than all the lights and the stars in the sky. Her heart jumped into her throat and she was immediately in tears. Her love for him was so big it was spilling over. She couldn’t contain herself.

“TAYLOR!!” she screamed at him, waving like mad, until he looked right at her. The moment his eyes met hers, she was possessed. “I LOVE YOU!! TAYLOR, I LOVE YOU. I’M HERE!!!”

She was so enthralled, she barely noticed his panicked glances at his brothers. She didn’t see the tour manager whispering with the bassist and then briskly waving over a security guard. She just kept waving and screaming, knowing that, at any moment, he would climb the walls to get to her and sweep her off her feet.

The opening song began and she threw her head back and swayed freely, recognizing their song immediately. 

_Fly the wings of an eagle_  
_Glide along with the wind_  
_No matter how high…_

She sang along as three security guards approached her from behind. She began spinning, faster and faster, arms spread wide. It took all three of them to drag her from the balcony. 

“Are you taking me to Taylor?” she asked, confused by the force they were using.

“You’re not allowed within 20 feet of Mr. Hanson, ma’am,” one of them stated firmly.

“That’s crazy! Tay and I are in love. This song…” she said, waving into the air, “....is about me!”

The security guards shared a laugh and the largest one moved her away from the stairs and out of the venue where the tour manager was waiting for her.

“This is the fourth time this year. If it happens again, I’m having you arrested.”

She laughed lightly and fixed her dress, then looked into the tour managers eyes.

“You can’t keep us apart forever.” She turned on her heels and marched back to her car, thinking of him the whole time.


	2. MmmBop

Isaac couldn’t remember a time in his life when he was quite this hot and sweaty. Maybe it was the nerves. The sun was beating down on him and his brothers, and the air felt thick in his lungs. He squinted his eyes against the harsh, noon time light and wiped his brow with the back of his hand. _This better be worth it_ , he thought to himself, never daring to voice those thoughts out loud and bring down the demeanor of the trio. 

He wasn’t sure whose idea it had been to pack up the hatchback and drive to Texas that weekend. Often he wasn’t quite clear on where his parent’s musical dreams ended and his began. The source of the group’s determination was never plain. But there was always a common goal - to make music so that people would hear it. To find their way out of the family’s garage. 

But no one had warned him that that would mean busking in the unforgivable sun during a particularly hot spring, with very little glory or fame attached. They set up near the bleachers at the South by Southwest softball tournament, singing while people ate their barbecue and watched the games. Most bystanders didn’t even turn their head at the flawless three part harmony escaping the brothers’ throats. There was music everywhere at South by Southwest. No one needed to stop and listen to three young boys singing “Rockin’ Robin.” 

“Should we keep going?” Taylor looked up at his older brother and asked, a hint of defeat flashing across his face. 

“I’m thirsty,” Zac whined, and Isaac couldn't exactly blame him. 

“Here,” Isaac handed Zac the water bottle he had been carrying, happy to shut his little brother up, if only for a moment. “Let’s just do a few more. You never know who might be here. Someone important could hear us.” 

“Like who?” Taylor asked. 

“I don’t...I don’t know, Tay just...we came here to sing didn’t we?” Isaac sounded older than his thirteen years would suggest, but his pep talk seemed to work. Taylor nodded determinedly and even Zac stood at attention. The three of them took a collective deep breath. Isaac didn’t believe in a lot of things, but he did believe in the music that he created with his brothers. He believed that no matter what, they always seemed to know what the others would sing, when they would breathe, when the pace would quicken, when the sound should fade. 

“We came here to sing,” Taylor responded, with another nod. “We should say that.” 

“What?” 

“We should say that, before any show. We didn’t come here for anything else, ya know? We just...we came here to sing. With each other. We’re all we need, and all we have.” 

Isaac knew that he had more than just his two brothers. He had his parents and Jessie and Avie and even the baby. But...that was pretty much the end of the list. The hours the three of them spent practicing made their childhood pretty lonely, even if he had convinced himself that it was all worth it. He figured that if he and his brothers made it as musicians, one or two relationships in his life would be plenty. The music always came first. 

“We came here to sing,” he mumbled again, enjoying how the words felt in his mouth. “A-one, two, three….”

***

“HANSON, HANSON, HANSON, HANSON, HANSON…”

The brothers stood backstage and listened to the crowd roar. Isaac wasn’t sure he would ever get used to it, no matter how many large venues they played. It wasn’t the sight of droves of fans or the feeling of girls’ hands in his when he reached down into the pit; the sound was what knocked the wind out of him every time. 

The boys had been thrown into the touring lifestyle before they were even fully aware of how huge their songs had become. They had been, in no way, ready for the herds of screaming girls that followed them around and packed themselves into concert venues to hear them sing. It blew their minds day in and day out. 

“Ready, Ike?” Taylor asked, his blue eyes wide with nerves. Taylor liked to pretend that fame hadn’t rattled him, but Ike knew him better than that. He knew that he still got anxious before every single show. 

“Yeah, let’s get out there.” 

They wrangled Zac from the hallway and stacked their right hands, one on top of the other. Isaac looked both of his brothers in the eye and tried to block out the screeching from the audience. 

“We came here to sing, right?” 

“We came here to sing.” 

“We came here to sing.”   
`   
There were moments that Isaac would look around the stage, see his brothers smiling back at him, and remember how he had convinced himself that giving up his childhood for the music would be worth it. He loved being with them, playing with them, singing with them. As far as he was concerned, nothing would ever beat it. 

Over the years, the hands-in tradition would change, just like the brothers did. Soon they let go of their childhood mantra from the softball fields, exchanging it for something a little less corny. For a few years they said prayers, and after that they dedicated each show to someone specific. Some shows went by with nothing more than a look shared between brothers, and some happened with no moment of connection at all. There were shows powered by stifled giggles and ones in which tears were held back for the whole two hour set. There were shows that made them feel like gods and shows that made them wonder what they were doing playing music in the first place. But they always remembered what they came there to do, and who they came there to do it with, because somewhere, deep down, they were still those small blonde boys near the bleachers just trying to get their songs heard.


	3. Weird

To: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
From: jesslovesmusic@aol.com   
Friday, April 17, 1998  
11:49pm

Hi Alyson!

It was so fun chatting with you tonite. I love that you love hanson as much as me and that we both like drawing and riding bikes. We have a lot in common. I don’t have a lot of friends here in michigan at least not ones that like the same things as me. 7th grade sux. What grade are you in? Is life more fun in florida? I would go to disney world every day if I lived there. I have never been there before but it sounds cool. Anyways thanks for giving me your email. Write back soon!

Peace, Jessica 

PS: I <3 Taylor Hanson!! :)

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
Saturday, April 18, 1998  
8:24am

Jessica!!

Thank you so much for writing me! Guess what? I <3 Taylor too! But u know that from the chat room. :) 7th grade sux big time! I cant wait for this year to be over. I have zero friends really so i hope that doesnt make you want to stop writing me. Life in FL is ok but I wish i had more friends. But now I have you so thats cool! Disneyworld is cool too but i dont get to go everyday thats for sure. You should come visit someday and we can go!!!!  
I’ve never been to michigan. Is it cold? My mom says its always snowing 24/7. That sounds good to me. Write back soon!

Aly <3

***

To: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
From: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
Thursday, May 7, 1998  
4:50pm

Hi Aly,

Sorry it took me so long to write back. I mean I know I talk to you every Friday in the chat room hahaha. Oh thats tomorrow! Okay well anyway I’m writing because I have big news! So when I came home today, my dad was sitting at the kitchen table and his face was so serious. I was buggin cuz I didn’t do good on my last math test so I figured I was in trouble and I was almost about to run out the front door but I figured I should face the music...cuz I luv music...get it? Hahahaha Annnyyywayyyyz...he made me sit down and passed me a envelope and inside was a ticket to the albertane tour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
I know thats alot of exclamation points but only you can understand that they’re necessary! I wish you lived here so you could go with me!  
Ok I gotta go. I’ve got dance tonite. 

Peace out!

Jessica

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
Saturday, July 4, 1998  
9:45pm

JESSICA!!

Whaz up? I’m at a cabin with my family for the 4th of July and we just did fireworks! It was so fun! My brother almost blew his hand off but otherwise, it was great! Haha What did you do for the 4th?   
Can I just say that I still can’t believe you called me from the concert?! Your dad is the coolest for letting you use his cell phone. My mom said it must have cost him a fortune but I said anything is worth it to hear Taylor sing I Will Come To You! <3 <3 <3 I’m still all dreamy about it. No one else gets it but you do so at least I don’t feel completely crazy.  
Anyway call me soon!

Love ya! Aly

***

To: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
From: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
Monday, February 8, 1999  
8:17pm

Aly Bug!!!!

I’m taking it back to the old days and emailing you! I know we just talked yesterday on the phone but I’m feeling nostalgic so here I am! Weirdo, I know….  
I really wish u lived here. I seriously hate school. There is this group of girls who think they are so cool and like everyone else does too. But they do NOT like me. I didn’t even do anything to them but they started calling me a freak cuz I like Hanson. Today one of them named Amy ripped my tour shirt on the sleeve. I acted like it was fine but I cried in the bathroom.   
I can’t tell anybody about this except you. I don’t understand why they hate me. Anyway……  
So far 8th grade sux worse then 7th. Thanx for being my friend. Sorry for complaining.

Peace and love!   
Jess

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
Wednesday, August 25, 1999  
12:04 pm

JESS!!! HAHAHA!!!

I’m so hyper so I’m emailing you!! Hello!! I’m freaking out because tomorrow is the first day of school! How are we already in high school?? How did this happen? I’m actually excited to start. Mom says high school is easier than middle school but who even knows.  
Are you nervous about your new school? I can’t imagine moving before starting 9th grade. Promise you’ll call me tomorrow and tell me everything!!!  
I’m gonna go back to bouncing off the walls listening to Man From Milwaukee!!! (Don’t make fun of me or I’ll bring up that time you convinced my cousin that Taylor was your boyfriend LOL)

Love your BFF4Lyfe!!  
Aly

***

To: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
From: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
Tuesday, December 28, 1999  
3:24pm

Aly Bug!

How was your Christmas? My parents are getting divorced so mines been great. Oh and I’m grounded from the phone so email me please. 

:(

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
Tuesday, December 28, 1999  
5:30pm

JESSICA!

:( :( :( I’m so sorry about your parents and your grounding too. I’m here if you wanna talk about it. If you can get online we can meet on aim tonight. I’ll be there by 8. I’m here for you Jess. My parents splitting was the worst and I felt so alone but you don’t have to, k!

Love u so much!   
Ur BFF, Aly

***

To: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
From: jessicalovesmusic@aol.com  
Sunday, May 7, 2000  
10:31pm

ALY BUG!!!

TWO DAYS UNTIL THE NEW ALBUM!!! In case you forgot…. :P

Also thanks for talking to me last night. I guess its just been a hard year and its good to know I can always count on you, even if everyone else in my life doesn’t seem to care. You’re the best.

PEACE OUT!  
J

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
Monday, May 8, 2000  
2:59pm

JESSSSSSSS!!!

ONE MORE DAY!!!!! I cannot wait!!!

And of course I’m here for you. You’re the only person who really gets me. I mean I have some friends here at school and stuff but none of them are the same as you. I can’t wait to graduate and move in together and follow Hanson around for the rest of our lives!

<3 <3 <3   
ALY

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
Thursday, September 14, 2000  
6:18pm  
Attachments: 7 files

JESS!!

Here they are! These pics were taken two weeks ago at a football game. His name is Jake. His eyes are the exact same color as Taylors. I can’t even believe he talks to me. And get this! Last night, I didn’t call you because he came over and listened to If Only with me and he said it was good!  
I’m freaking out!! He’s so cute. Oh and his last name is Addams which sounds reeallly good with Alyson, doesn’t it? HAHAHA  
Anyway tell me what you think!

<3 Aly

***

To: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
From: jessicalovesmusic@aol.com  
Tuesday, January 30, 2001  
10:11am  
Attachments: 1 file

ALY OMG I made the competition team!!!!!!! I attached the email they sent me so you can see it! I’m crying I’m so excited! The best part?  
If we make it to states, I get to come to Orlando! That’s in Florida!!! You’re in Florida!!!  
AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
Wednesday, March 21, 2001  
7:03pm

Sorry I haven’t answered the phone. Jake dumped me two day ago and told me he liked this other girl basically the whole time we were together. I feel really dumb but I also feel like theres no one else I wanna talk to but you. I’m gonna hide in a hole and listen to our boys for a while. Ugh...I’m so pathetic.

***

To: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
From: jessicalovesmusic@aol.com  
Wednesday, March 21, 2001  
7:39pm

You’re not pathetic! Jake sounds like an asshole! Sorry for the language but also not. He isn’t worthy of you. You talked me through all the awfulness of middle school and my parents splitting up and my move across the state. You have always been there for me. Somehow, you’re my very closest friend even though you live so far away.  
I don’t know anyone more caring than you and if he can’t see that, he can jump off the nearest cliff in my opinion.  
Never forget that you’re the best. And I’ll always be here for you whenever anybody else forgets!

I love you forever Bug!  
J

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
Tuesday, April 17, 2001  
7:02am

Jess!  
Today is the very day 3 years ago when you first emailed me. I thought you should know! I’m thinking about throwing a party. You should come! J/K But I wish!

<3  
Aly

***

To: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
From: jessicalovesmusic@aol.com  
Saturday, June 2, 2001  
11:40am  
Attachments: 1 file

Attention Alyson Blackwell. This is a formal email to inform you that your best friend in all of life, Miss Jessica Anne Marie Malone has booked a flight to Orlando in one month and you better make plans because WE CAN FINALLY MEET FACE TO FACE!!!!!!  
I attached my itinerary but I cannot believe this is happening!!!   
Oh...and my jazz solo won best overall! So that’s why I’m coming to states!   
I’M SO SO EXCITED!!!!  
LOVE YOU!!!  
J

***

To: itz_alyson84@aol.com  
From: jessicalovesmusic@aol.com  
Tuesday, July 3, 2001  
1:46am

I can’t believe I’m here in Florida and I can’t be there for you. I’m so so sorry about your Grandma, Aly Bug. I know how close you were to her. If I could leave competition, I would. Just know I love you and I’m thinking of you in this difficult time. I will call you on Friday when I get back home.  
Send my love to your family.   
J

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: AlysonBlackwell@hotmail.com  
Wednesday, October 24, 2001  
9:44am

Hey Jess!!  
We haven’t emailed in so long! This is my new email address. I have an algebra 2 exam in the morning so I can’t talk tonight. Maybe this weekend?

<3 Alyson

***

To: AlysonBlackwell@hotmail.com  
From: jessicalovesmusic@aol.com  
Tuesday, January 1, 2002  
1:12am

HAPPY NEW YEAR STRANGER!!!! Call me please!

Jessica, your BFF!!!

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: AlysonBlackwell@hotmail.com  
Friday, May 10, 2002  
11:40am  
Attachments: 5 files

Jess! 

When are going to dump this old AOL email? LOL Anyways, I was cleaning out my locker…(can you even believe school is almost out? Thank god because I’m so over it and ready for summer!)...but I found all those pictures you sent me of you in the talent showcase with that kid who looked exactly like Taylor! So funny!  
Anyway I’m attaching some pictures of me from this school year. Random but I think I look cute in them so whatever! LOL  
Call me later, K! I have so much to tell you about my mom’s new boyfriend. He’s SUCKS!! He said Hanson is a one hit wonder and “for babies”. I H8TE him!!!! 

Love you!!!  
Alyson

***

To: AlysonBlackwell@hotmail.com  
From: jessicalovesmusic@aol.com  
Saturday, June 8, 2002  
10:09pm

Alyson. I’m wearing all black and choosing this archaic form of communication to check in. I hope you’re okay on this darkest of days. How is Taylor married?! He was supposed to marry me. Or you. What has the world come to?  
Anyway, RIP.   
LOVE your devastated BFF J

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: AlysonBlackwell@hotmail.com  
Saturday, June 8, 2002  
10:41pm

Jessica. Cheer up! There are two more brothers and a world filled with possibilities. There’s still hope, my dear friend. LOL  
Love-  
Alyson

***

To: jesslovesmusic@aol.com  
From: AlysonBlackwell@hotmail.com  
Wednesday, January 29, 2003  
8:01pm  
Attachment: 2 files

Hey!

So remember when I said I had a huge surprise for you last night. Well, here it is. I got straight A’s on my last report card and my dad asked my what I wanted as a reward. I knew right away.   
I attached your plane ticket to Orlando and you concert ticket too. You’re coming here to see the Underneath Acoustic tour with me!!!!  
I can’t believe we’re finally going to meet in person….and be in the room with our favorite people too.   
Thanks for sticking with me! I love you, you crazy goober!!!  
Love- Alyson  
PS: Call me the moment you read this!!!

***

To: AlysonBlackwell@hotmail.com  
From: jessicalovesmusic@aol.com  
Sunday, October 26, 2003  
5:19am

Aly!

I’m awake and about to leave for the airport to see you!! I thought I should send you a quick email. Ya know, for the nostalgic value!  
I’m so happy this is finally happening. And so grateful for you and for this band that brought us together. I don’t even want to think about where I would be without it. Or you.  
Wow, I’m getting sappy. HAHAHA Okay gotta get going.  
See you in a few hours!!

Love forever, Jess


	4. Speechless

“I just don’t think you have to _say_ so much all the time.”

“Who asked you, Tay!?”

Isaac clenched his fists and waited for his brother to launch into another lecture about how to be a real band. Ever since they’d started touring, Taylor had become unbearable and Isaac had reached his limit. Everything became a debate, which led to an argument, which ended in one of them storming off to sulk. No one could get anything done.

“Ike, you’re overreacting...again.” Taylor shook his head, his blonde locks in stark contrast with his flushed cheeks. “I’m only trying to help you. Help us.”

They both looked over at Zac, who shrugged and tried to hide behind the drums. He had no intention of becoming the middle man.

“Did you ever think that maybe you don’t know everything about the music business?” Isaac could feel his temper brimming and he tried to manage it before it spilled over. He could tell that he’d hit a nerve and that gave him a chance to breathe.

Without a word, Taylor grabbed his jacket and bolted from the room. Zac endured a solid twelve seconds of awkward silence before following after him. Isaac rolled his eyes and put his guitar down on its stand. They weren’t going to be getting any practice in today.

He flopped down onto a tattered old couch and wished for a reprieve from the guilt that was creeping in. He knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, but he should have been more patient. Taylor was only fourteen, after all. When Ike was that age, he thought he knew everything too. Still, these days the stakes were so much higher. With all the fame and attention came the ever-present opportunity for failure.

Ike knew that Taylor was the driving force behind their popularity. He was the one the girls were screaming for and the one whose face was plastered across their walls. That fact didn’t bother him as much as the feeling that none of the fuss was truly about the music.

Ever since he could remember, Ike wanted to be a musician. He wanted to write songs that were important and lasting, like the ones he’d grown up listening to. Now that he’d “made it”, he felt like everyone had lost track of that dream, especially Taylor.

He sighed and ruffled his hair, wondering when his little brothers would return and pretend nothing had happened. He figured he had a least a solid half hour. He searched the pocket of his jeans and fished out a tattered business card. The edges were round and soft from bumping around in his pocket for a week. He looked it over and sighed again.

He reached over and grabbed the cordless phone from the side table. As he dialed the number on the card, he felt his heart rate quicken. He had played this moment out so many times over the last five days. 

The phone rang twice and then a pleasant voice answered. He asked to be directed to the name on the card and waited nervously as the hold music pounded in his ear.

“Isaac, hello! I’m so glad you called,” the chipper woman on the phone exclaimed.

“Hi! Yes, Barbara, me too.” Isaac took a deep breath and steadied himself for what he knew would be the most important choice he’s made in his 17 years. “So, about that solo gig? Striking out on my own?”

“Yes?” 

“I’m interested. Let’s talk.”


	5. Where's the Love?

Taylor gave his brother’s hands a squeeze as the landing gear hit the tarmac. The flight from Tulsa to Detroit was bumpy and cramped and he was anxious to put his feet on solid ground again. 

As the plane skidded to a stop, he looked to his right at Zac, his face pressed against the window. He was characteristically nonplussed by anything. To his left, Isaac bounced his leg nervously. He pulled his hand from Taylor’s and wiped it on his pants. They shared a concerned glance, then froze when the captain’s voice chimed from the intercom.

“Welcome to Detroit, boys!”

“Let’s get off this thing,” Zac shouted, leaping over his brothers into the aisle.

“Settle down now, Zachary. I’ll be going first, along with the team. Then, you boys will follow. Safety first.” Mitch had been their manager for a total of two weeks, but he bossed them around like he was their father. 

“Safety from what exactly?” Taylor asked, putting his hands on Zac’s shoulders to stop him from bouncing.

“You’ll see, son.”

Mitch’s response, paired with a thin smirk, made Taylor’s stomach lurch. He’d heard that Detroit could be dangerous. He’d seen the newspapers and stories of race riots and violence. It was hard to believe that things could get so out of hand, even in 1969. He wondered what might await them outside the airplane door.

The fact remained that if things in the world weren’t in the state it was, Taylor and his little band would never have hit it big in the first place. They’d stayed up all night in the garage, writing their song about love and togetherness. None of them predicted that, two years later, they’d be touring around like bands they idolized.

“Is everyone ready?” Mitch asked to the handful of staff members crowding the aisle of the tiny aircraft. There was a funny hum coming from outside, but Taylor figured it was the engines powering down. 

He threw a glance back at Isaac, who was fussing with his hair. Their matching polyester shirts didn’t breathe at all and a layer of sweat was forming between it and Taylor’s skin. He inhaled deeply and then let it out slowly, trying to expel his nerves. 

The airplane door was opened and it became clear that the humming sound wasn’t engines at all, but people. Voices. Many, many voices. 

“Boys, no talking! Just smiles for the cameras. Once you’re down the steps, stay close and we’ll get you through the crowd!” Mitch turned and stepped into the light from the open doorway. “You’re going to be bigger than the Beatles!” 

All at once, he was gone, down the steps with his team at his heels. Taylor kept a tight grip on Zac, who was practically running for the door. 

“Whoa!” Zac stopped short at the top of the steps. Taylor’s jaw dropped as he get his first look at the crowd. The tarmac was a sea of screaming girls. They were, jumping and crying and flailing wildly. A few girls toward the front were fainting. It was unreal.

Taylor felt Isaac shove him gently toward the steps and the three of them descended as a unit. The screeching intensified and Zac covered his ears, looking back at his brothers in disbelief.

“I love you! I love you guys,” a small blonde girl squealed, pressed up against the wooden barricade.

“You’re the absolute most,” another shouted somewhere behind her.

“Please marry me! Please!!” Taylor wasn’t sure where that one came from but it made him laugh. He looked up the walkway and met Mitch’s eyes. He waved him on, clearly enjoying the circus he’d created. 

“Can you believe this?” Taylor shouted over the noise. Isaac shook his head, grinning from ear to ear. 

Girls were reaching for them, grabbing at their arms and clothes and hair. Taylor forged ahead, trying to keep Zac away from their clutches. Suddenly, the shouting took on a new sound. The crowd was singing their song.

_Where’s the love_   
_It’s not enough_   
_It makes the world go round and round and…_

Taylor stopped dead in his tracks, wanting to take the moment in. He looked up at Isaac who was also stunned by the sound of their music filling the sky.

“Can you even believe this, Ike?” Isaac threw an arm around Taylor’s shoulders and nodded confidently.

“It’s groovy!”


	6. Yearbook

It had been one year since Johnny disappeared. Taylor remembered it perfectly. It was the last day of sixth grade, and the seconds were crawling by. He watched the clock all the way through the afternoon, yearning for long summer days - hours spent in the backyard with his brothers, catching fireflies and drinking cokes without worrying about school in morning. He loved summer. He wasn’t the best student in the world, often sliding off into daydreams in the middle of history or humming a tune while he was supposed to be focusing on a math problem. But summer was different. Summer was simple. Summer felt like freedom. 

He sat behind Johnny in English; his last class each day. He could still, to this day, imagine his neck - the way his brown hair collected at a point at the top of his spine. He could picture the curve that led down to his shoulders, and the way his whole body would shake when he tried to contain his laughter. Taylor spent every afternoon watching the back of Johnny’s head, so the empty desk in his line of vision was jarring. But when the final bell rang, he shot up from his seat and ran outside with the rest of the class, shoving thoughts of his missing classmate into the back of his mind. 

“Taylor!!” He heard someone shout his name in the hallway and he turned, only slightly annoyed that someone was keeping him from the golden promise of summer that waited for him right outside of the front doors of his school. He saw it was Katie and his face softened. 

“Hurry up, we gotta get out of here,” he said, holding out his hand and smirking at his closest friend. 

“Calm down, summer isn’t going anywhere, Tay.” 

“That’s what you think. It’s gonna be gone before we know it! We’re gonna blink and it’ll be back to this place for another whole year of stupid tests and --” 

“Whoa, okay I get it. Let’s go.” The two friends pushed their way through the front doors and let the sunshine hit their faces. “What do you want to do now that we’re free?” 

“Wanna come over?” 

“I thought you’d never ask!!” Katie answered with false adoration, causing Taylor to laugh and shove her off of the sidewalk. They dissolved into peals of laughter, and made their way onto the bus. “Hey, where was your boyfriend today?” 

Taylor ducked his head, trying to hide the blush that crept across his cheeks. Katie loved to tease him about his strange fixation on the boy who sat in front of him in English class. He spent hours trying to convince her that it was nothing, but she was adamant that she knew a crush when she saw one. His tendency to blush when she pressed the issue didn’t help his cause at all. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Johnny wasn’t in class today. I know you noticed.” 

“Oh, he wasn’t? Weird.” 

“Taaaaaaylor,” Katie whined as the bus pulled out of the school parking lot. 

“What!” 

“I’m just messing with you,” she ruffled his hair, making him grimace. “I’m sorry for calling him your boyfriend. I was just wondering! It’s weird that he would miss the last day of school, right?” 

“Yeah, I guess…” 

That was the last Taylor thought about Johnny that day. He and Katie spent the rest of the day watching movies and eating too much candy and drinking soda and yelling at his little brother whenever he came downstairs to bother them. Johnny didn’t even cross Taylor’s mind until a few weeks later, when the story hit the news.

***

Taylor’s parents watched the news every evening after dinner. It was a tradition that began long before Taylor was born, and he figured they would continue doing it long after he left home for college and beyond. During the school year, it was background noise to the homework he did at the kitchen table; his ears perking up when there was a story that was the least bit relevant to his interests. In the summer, he was usually already outside playing catch with Isaac by the time his parents settled down to turn on the TV. The night that the story of Johnny’s disappearance broke, however, he was still helping Zac dry and put away dishes so that they could ride their bikes to the park to meet Katie and some other neighborhood kids for a game of baseball.

“Local sixth grader Jonathan Willmore has been declared missing as of this morning. No suspects have been identified, but the police are still investigating. If you have seen this boy, please let local authorities know.” 

Taylor whipped around when he heard the name, nearly sending the plate he was holding flying into the next room. His brow furrowed with confusion. Had Johnny really been missing since that last day of school when his desk was empty? Where could he have gone? Why did there need to be suspects if he was only missing? His head pounded with questions. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Zac asked, staring at his brother as though he had three heads. 

“What? Oh uh...nothing. Sorry.” 

“Are you gonna dry that dish, or what?” 

Taylor realized he was still holding the plate, letting it drip all over his shoes and the floor as he stared at the TV through the doorway to the living room. The story had already come and gone, and the news anchors were now discussing how to keep cool in the summer months. Johnny had been given all of 15 seconds. 

When they got to the park, the sky was already painted in blues and purples, the last sliver of sun sinking down into the horizon. Taylor dropped his bike into the grass and marched straight up to Katie, pulling her away from the gaggle of neighborhood kids by the arm. 

“Tay, what are you doing?” 

“Johnny is missing.”

“...What?” 

“Johnny. From school.” 

“Right, I mean, I figured that’s what you were talking about. But what are you like...talking about.” 

“It was just on the news. He’s been missing since the last day of school. Well, okay, they didn’t actually say that but I’m just assuming that he has been. They said they were still looking for suspects but...I mean...if he just ran away then why would there need to be suspects?” 

Taylor watched Katie’s face change from confusion to pity. She seemed to know something he didn’t. 

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“Tay...when kids go missing it’s usually not because they run away.” 

“Then where is he?”

“He’s...he’s probably dead, Tay.”

***

When Taylor came back to school in September, he looked around wildly for any sign of the missing boy. Of course, there was none. Over the summer, Taylor had become obsessed with Johnny’s disappearance - knocking on Johnny’s door to talk to his parents every week, calling the police to give them all the information he had, looking for him in the cars next to him when his mom drove him to piano lessons. As the summer flew by, the search for Johnny lost momentum. Johnny’s mother told Taylor that at this point, they were just looking for his body, or any body part to help indicate what had happened to their son.

Taylor saw less and less of Katie as his fixation began to take hold of all his waking hours. She tried her best to spend time with him, but eventually she began hanging out with other girls from the grade, forcing herself to lose interest in playing baseball with neighborhood boys and running around the Hanson’s backyard with scraped knees and bare feet. 

The thing that frustrated Taylor the most was that the teachers at school didn’t even acknowledge the fact that one of their students was now gone. In fact, they seemed to even make it a point to never bring it up, and if a student started inquiring, they quickly changed the subject. Taylor wondered if they had been instructed to pretend like it never happened; to carry on as though Johnny had never even existed in the first place. All evidence of Jonathan Willmore was removed from the building. 

It was now the last day of seventh grade, a year since Taylor noticed Johnny’s empty desk. He looked around the classroom, wondering if any of his classmates cared as much as he did. Who had Johnny’s friends been, anyway? What did he do in the evenings? Taylor couldn’t remember ever seeing him outside the confines of school. He couldn’t quite place where Johnny sat in the cafeteria for lunch, or who he ate with. He peered around the room at all the desks, noticing that there were no empty ones. Had he ever spoken to Johnny in the hallway? He couldn’t remember that, either. 

He looked back at Katie, who was sitting in the last row, diligently finishing her final exam. She glanced up at him and smiled, raising her eyebrows in anticipation of the final bell. When was the last time she had talked to him about Johnny? When was the last time any of his classmates had cared? 

He walked up to the front of the room and handed in his final exam. Before he turned away he stood in front of his teacher long enough to make her look up from her gradebook. 

“Yes, Mr. Hanson?” 

“Where did Johnny go?” He asked, desperately. He didn’t understand why no one was talking about it. It had been a year, why wasn’t anyone still looking for him? 

His teacher looked up at him with an unbothered gaze, blinked twice, and replied. 

“Who?”


	7. Look at You

_This was such a horrible idea and I have no idea why I am here._ Zac fiddled awkwardly with his shirt sleeves. He had no idea how Taylor had convinced him to come to this stupid dance. It made sense for Taylor to go. He was an eighth grader; one of the coolest kids at school. He had a girlfriend and everything. Zac was just a stupid sixth grader whose shirt was too big because it was a hand-me-down. He was sitting on the bleachers off to the side, staring at his shoes, which were uncomfortable and pinching his toes. _God, I hate everything_ , he thought dramatically, attempting to avoid everyone there by keeping his head down and hiding in his long blonde hair. 

He peeked through the curtain of golden strands and found Taylor on the dance floor with Suzannah. Zac had no idea how Taylor dealt with the fact that he had a girlfriend. To Zac, girls were still way too intimidating, especially pretty ones like Suz. She was at his house all the time, and he would watch in awe as Taylor leaned against her or brushed hair out of her eyes. He couldn’t imagine putting his sweaty hands anywhere near a girl’s face. 

The music thumped against his brain, and he shut his eyes momentarily, wishing he was in his basement with nothing but a can of soda and his video games. The only way this dance would be worth it at all would be if Cora was there. But he hadn’t seen her, and even if he had, there’s no way in hell he would ever be able to talk to her. 

Cora was in eighth grade. She was friends with Taylor and Suz and every once in a while he would catch sight of her outside of school. She came to the neighborhood pool for Taylor’s birthday party last year and the sight of her in a bathing suit had nearly caused his heart to be blown to smithereens inside of his chest. She was so different from anything that he was. She was loud and brash and she filled up any room she ever walked into. She was so sure of herself. So confident. Her deep caramel skin shone in the sun when she stepped off the bus every day, the light bouncing off of her tight curls nearly blinding him no matter what he did. 

The mere thought of her made his cheeks grow warm. 

“Zac, are you gonna come dance or what?” Taylor asked as he breathlessly dropped down on the bench beside his brother. 

“I’m good here, thanks.” 

“LAME!” 

“Shut up!” 

“C’mon, I’ll let you dance with Suz! That way you don’t have to ask a girl.”

“I’m not gonna borrow your girlfriend, Taylor.” 

“Well you can, I’m just saying...what’s the point of coming to a dance if you’re not gonna dance?” 

It was in that moment that he saw her, his focus shifting from Taylor’s face to just behind him, where she was dancing joyfully in the center of the gym. He gulped with preemptive embarrassment.

Taylor noticed the shift and looked behind him, registering Cora’s magnetic energy. 

“Dude, go dance with her!” 

“No, I really….cannot do that.” 

“Yes you can. Come on. I know you want to. You love her!” 

“SHUT UP!” 

Zac hated how much his brother was getting to him, but he felt so humiliated already and he hadn’t even started dancing. 

“Just come over and dance with me and Suz and we’ll get her to come over. Come on, man, I’m trying to help you.” 

Zac looked warily at his brother, but Taylor held his own. He grabbed Zac by the arm and dragged him down from the bleachers to the floor. Suz squealed in delight with the addition of another Hanson brother, and her excited show caused Cora to glance over. Suz grabbed Zac’s hands and shook him around, trying to loosen him up. He couldn’t help but laugh and he felt his embarrassment crack open and filter out of him as he flung himself around his brother, making Taylor cackle with glee. Others joined in, shrieking and giggling with the reckless abandon that they had all seemed to have lost in their overly self conscious, preteen years. 

The music pounded and the disco ball spun and before he knew it, he was having the time of his life. He took a moment to pause and catch his breath, and when he glanced around the gym, his eyes fell on Cora. 

She was looking only at him.


	8. Lucy

Zac pulled himself across the ground on his belly. He would have to be very quiet if he was going to make it all the way to the end of the cave. He was surrounded by the enemy on all sides and the slightest move might give away his location. 

He prepared to arm-crawl the length of the cavern, looked both ways to ensure a clear passage. 

“Ready, Lucy?” he whispered. 

She looked up at him wordlessly and he helped her onto his back, careful to make sure she was secure. With Lucy in place, he began his journey. The ground was rough and scraped his knees and elbows. Still he continued to crawl, the exit of the cave growing closer.

“We’re almost there,” he whispered, hoping she wasn’t too afraid. After what seemed like ages, he had arrived at the mouth of the cave. One more pull forward and they would be free! He lunged with his whole body and was welcomed by the warm glow of sunlight on his skin.

“FREEDOM!” he shouted, his voice echoing around him.

“Zachary Walker, we do not scream in the airport!”

He looked up to see his mother standing above him, her face lined with displeasure. He knew he was in trouble.

“I was just saving Lucy from the snake cave, Mom!” He thought maybe she would understand if she knew he was playing make-believe. She always praised his imagination.

“Zachary, do you see any other 6-year-old boys crawling around under the seats and shouting like animals?”

“N..no,” he mumbled.

“Right. Now, we’re all restless from being stuck here, but the storm is clearing and our flight will board soon. I need you to show some self control.”

She walked away and Zac dropped onto the floor, Lucy tumbling from his shoulder and into his lap. He scooped her up and held her close to him. Her ragged little head flopped to one side and he fiddled with her stuffed paws, comforting himself. 

“Show some self control, Lucy,” he gently scolded the plush tiger, faded and fuzzy from too many washes. Zac wished for the billionth time that she would burst to life and he could hop onto her back and ride away into the sunset. That way, they could go on real adventures and no one could yell at them for making their own.

A loud voice came over the PA and boomed through the terminal. People started to shuffle around, repacking things they’d removed when the delays first began. Zac watched his own family regroup; his mother giving orders and counting heads.

“Bathroom time,” he father barked, gathering the boys and leading them toward the restroom. Zac held Lucy to his face and whispered to her about the odd people he saw along the way.

“There’s an old man who looks like a turtle,” he whispered, trying not to giggle. “Oh and I bet those ladies are half-giants. That’s a real thing, ya know?” He was sure that Lucy purred in agreement.

When they got to the restroom, his father shoved him into a stall with his brother and said he would meet them at the sinks. Zac perched Lucy top of the toilet paper dispenser, facing away so she wouldn’t have to watch.

His brother didn’t wait for him, throwing the stall door wide and leaving him with his pants around his ankles.

“C’mon, little guy,” his dad said, helping him recover. He fumed at his brother while he washed his hands. 

“Tay, I hope you get snatched up by a tribe of cannibals.”

“Whatever, Zac,” his brother said, laughing at him and splashing him with sink water.

“Boys, that’s enough. Let’s go or we’ll miss our flight.”

His father grabbed Zac’s hand and practically dragged him from the bathroom toward the gate. Taylor ran up ahead and Zac imagined him leaping right off a cliff, never to be seen again.

He enjoyed his little fantasy as his family lined up to board the aircraft. He imagined Taylor surviving his cliff-dive, only to be snatched up by a giant bald eagle. Taylor would cry out for help but Zac would refuse to use his bow-and-arrow-blaster to save him. Instead, he would order Lucy to use her super-tiger jump powers to pull his pants down in front of everyone!

Zac felt a sudden rush of panic.

_Lucy!_

She was still sitting where he’d left her on top of the toilet paper dispenser in the restroom. He stopped in his tracks right in the middle of the airplane, causing a major traffic jam.

“Dad, I left Lucy!”

“Zachary, get into your seat, now.”

“No! Dad, Lucy is in the bathroom! I need to get her.”

“Zac, I’m sure she’s in your bag, right where you packed her.” Taylor rolled his eyes and dropped into his seat.

“Shut up, Taylor! She’s in the bathroom and I need to get her!!”

“Zachary, please! You’re making a scene,” his mother said, trying to stay calm as people pushed past them to get to their seats.

Zac felt his head spinning. Why wouldn’t anyone listen to him? He began to plead with his family, begging them to let him off the plane, but they kept telling him she was in his bag. He knew she wasn’t there. He knew she was sitting in that stall, wondering why he wasn’t coming back for her. She would be so confused. So scared.

He started to cry as they airplane door closed. 

“Are you really crying about a dumb stuffed toy?” Isaac asked, rolling his eyes.

“Zac, I’m sure she’s on the plane,” his mother cooed.

“She’s not!” he sobbed. “I know she’s not.”

“Oh, honey. Its okay. We can always get you another tiger.” His mother patted his head lightly and switched her attention elsewhere.

Zac pictured Lucy’s sweet eyes and faded fur. He tried to send her a telepathic message that he would come back for her. As tears streamed down his face, he imagined her crying too. 

“You’re a brave tiger, Lucy,” he whispered to her in his mind. “Someday I’ll come and find you. I promise.”


	9. I Will Come To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prequel/Hidden Chapter of "Lost Without Each Other" by HarperJean

It wasn’t that Taylor didn’t like his family, it was just that his family was so... _loud_. He could slip out of the house completely unnoticed and take a walk around the neighborhood for hours before he thought one of his brothers or sisters would even notice. As long as he was home for dinner, they didn’t seem to care about his comings and goings. 

He quietly slipped out the front door and ambled down the sidewalk, already regretting not grabbing a hat or sunglasses. It was summer - the sun was high and bright in the sky, causing him to squint and shield his eyes from the glare off of cars parked on the street. He tilted his chin upwards and quickly saw that there wasn’t a cloud in sight, and therefore no chance of a respite from the blinding light. But, he figured it was better than the cacophony that was the living room, so he soldiered on. 

On his way out of the house, he had grabbed the small stack of library books on the table by the front door. That way, if his disappearance was questioned, he could say he was running an errand and hopefully not be reprimanded. It was nice having a task, especially in the long months of summer with not much to do but sing with his brothers and practice piano for hours. He started humming a melody he had never heard before, stepping in time with the new rhythm. He swerved off the path and jogged up a small rise to the library, sliding the books into the dropbox, proud of himself for accomplishing the chore that no one asked him to do. He glanced at the library doors, wondering if he should go in and take a few minutes to bask in the air conditioning, maybe check out a chapter book for himself or a colorful picture book for Avie. He decided against it - something told him to get going, even though he was sure that no one at home would chide him for returning library books. He followed his instinct and turned back towards the street. 

He took the long way home, wanting to stay on the route that allowed him to walk under more trees, the shade a nice break from the unrelenting sun. He hummed his new song, wondering if he could share it with his brothers when he got home. 

He didn’t see her at first. He heard her. 

For a moment he thought it was a wounded animal. A cat struck by a car, left for dead. It sounded unearthly, primal, guttural. He stopped in his tracks, wondering if he should keep going towards the sound, or if doing so would put him in danger. 

He took a few steps out of curiosity, rounding a corner so that the source of the sound came into view. 

A girl sat on the curb, shuddering with sobs. Something took over inside of him, and he began running until he was right by her side, his body casting a shadow over her small, crumpled frame. 

Her breath caught in her throat and she looked up at him, her face tear stained and puffy. She was sweating at her temples. She looked crazed. Deranged, even. 

“Are you….okay?” Taylor asked cautiously, knowing as soon as he said it that it was the stupidest question he could have possibly asked in that moment. Of course she wasn’t okay. 

She shook her head from side to side, her eyes filling up with fresh tears. He could sense that her walls were on the verge of collapsing and dropped down to the curb, sitting by her and letting her head fall on his shoulder while more sobs bubbled up to the surface. “Shhhhhhh,” he cooed, stroking her back gently. He took the flannel he had tied around his waist and offered it to her to wipe her tears and nose, which only made her cry harder. 

“I’m...I’m sorry…” she croaked, barely able to form the words. 

“It’s okay! You can cry on me, I don’t mind.” 

The fact was, he really didn’t. He had never seen anyone dissolve like this before, and there was something about it that he found...nice. Beautiful, even. He wished he could cry like that sometimes. 

“You...you take piano…” 

“What?” 

“You have piano lessons after me.” She hiccupped and blew her nose on his shirt. “You’re really good.” 

He couldn’t help the smirk that crept to his lips. Here this girl was, clearly broken by something, and she was complimenting his keyboard skills. “Thanks? We...don’t have to talk about that right now.” 

They sat in silence for a few moments, the girl doing her best to take deep breaths, Taylor stroking her back gently. He forgot how hot it was and how bright the sun was and how long he had been gone. All he cared about was making sure the girl was going to be okay. 

“My dad died. And my brother.” She announced, breaking the silence and startling Taylor with her candor. 

“What?” 

“Today. They both died. Just like that. They’re both gone.” 

“I’m...I’m so sorry.” 

“I don’t even know what to do.” 

“You don’t have to do anything right now. We can sit here as long as you want.” 

“I...I kind of left unannounced though.” 

“Hey, me too!! I guess we have to be friends now,” he said with a chuckle and a shrug. 

The girl laughed through her tears, the sound making Taylor’s heart soar. 

“I’ll walk you home. I mean, if you want. I can also leave you alone.” 

She nodded, heaving herself up from the stoop and offering a hand to help him up. “I’m Phoebe, by the way.” 

“Taylor.”


	10. A Minute Without You

“Expelled?”

“I’m sorry, Isaac. I see no other option, given the circumstances.”

“Principal Bixley, I didn’t do it! I don’t know how to prove it. But, please, believe me…”

“Isaac, I have heard enough. Your parents have been notified and they’ll be here to pick you up shortly. I’m sorry, but I’ve made my decision.”

Ike sank into the understuffed chair and buried his face in his hands. This day had taken the swiftest of turns and none of it made any sense to him. Now, he was exhausted and resigned to his fate.

His parents were surely going to kill him.

They picked him up from John Gilligan High School and drove the entire 34 minutes home without saying a word. When they arrived at the house, his mom and dad got out of the car and vanished into the study, leaving him to carry the contents of his locker, now piled into a shoebox, up the stairs and into his room. He wished they would yell or ground him or anything but the silent treatment was more than he could bear.

He threw himself onto his bed, face first. For a moment, he wondered if he could suffocate in his pillow and save everyone else the trouble, but his will to live was too strong. He gave up after only a minute or so. He resolved to lay still for the rest of his life to eliminate the possibility of ever living another day like this day again. 

His eyes grew heavy from fatigue. The events of the day began an instant replay in his mind. The bump on his head, his secret plan, the goth girl at his locker, the note in 3rd period, the lunchtime debacle, and then...what happened in the gym. 

Everything was so out of hand. He would have given anything for a do-over.

He slammed his eyes shut and prayed for death. He prayed and prayed until he finally fell asleep.

***

“ISAAC WAKE UP!”

Ike shot up out of bed like a bullet, his brother’s voice piercing his skull like a pickaxe. Except the impact wasn’t from his voice at all; it was from his forehead connecting with the bunk bed rails above him.

“Geez, was that your head?” Taylor asked, peering down at him and laughing.

“Shut up,” Ike replied, rubbing his face where a goose-egg was already forming.

“That’s gonna leave a mark.”

“Tay, please, for the love of all things holy and sacred...SHUT UP!”

Isaac climbed carefully out of bed, woozy and certain he was concussed. At the very moment his feet hit the cold, wooden floor he was flooded with images and the sense that this had happened before. He shook his damaged thoughts away and rushed to claim the bathroom first.

As he jogged up the steps of the school, he was met by his friends, Bernie and JT. They blabbed at him excitedly about some video game they’d been playing, but Ike was barely listening.

“Did you get it?”

“Not wasting any time, are you?” Bernie rolled his eyes and pulled them into a shrub near the front door. 

“This is important, Bern! There’s literally no time to waste!” 

“No girl is worth all this, dude,” JT said, his raspy voice cracking with a chortle. “Look at you! You’ve got hives!”

“Not hives, you idiot! I hit my head on my dang bunk bed.” 

“You’re so weird!” 

“JT, remain silent for the rest of the day. Do this world a favor for once! Now, lemme see the goods, Bern!”

Bernie sneakily opened his backpack to reveal seven bottle rockets wrapped loosely in newspaper. He looked both ways, then quickly zipped his up his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

“Perfect, Bern, perfect!” Ike gave Bernie a friendly punch in the gut and bounded toward the door. “Now, let’s get this day started!”

“Dude, Ike…” JT started, but Ike gave him a hard shove, sending him backwards into the shrubs. 

“I said silent!”

First period passed quickly because Isaac spent it thinking about his big plan rather than actually paying any attention. Who needed Geometry anyway, when there was a beautiful girl waiting for him to ask her to the Snowball Dance? He almost hadn’t heard the bell, he was so engrossed in his fantasies.

He skipped to his locker to collect his History book but was blocked by an unpleasant looking girl wearing all black and a disapproving scowl.

“Move. Now.” She didn’t budge. Instead, she leaned back against his locker door, her expression unwavering.

“Don’t ask Grace to the Snowball.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Do I even know you?” Ike asked partially to be insulting but also because the whole scenario seemed eerily familiar. 

“You see me everyday, Isaac.” She looked bored but also...sad? He couldn’t quite put a finger on it. He decided she was annoying and stopped caring.

“Get off my locker. I have a class to get to and a freak to ignore.” She didn’t flinch. “The freak is you.” 

They engaged in a staring contest from which he refused to back down. At last, she relented, and vanished down the hallway. The whole encounter made him itchy. He dashed to History and made it before the bell.

By 3rd period, Isaac was too distracted to concentrate on anything but Bernie, who was nervously clutching his contraband-heavy backpack like a common criminal. 

“Would you relax? You’re acting like you’ve got something to hide!”

“I DO have something to hide, Isaac. Remember? Now, when is this happening again? I need this thing to be over!”

“I told you, Bern. Grace is in my 6th period and I’m going to get her to meet me on the basketball courts outside the gym. JT is going to deliver the fake passes to her and to you. How many times do we need to go over this?” Isaac wondered how he’d ended up with such moronic friends. It was his curse, he figured. He would always be the mastermind and a mastermind needed minions.

Like magic, a folded piece of paper dropped into Ike’s lap from nowhere. He looked to Bernie, who shrugged. He opened the note and gasped.

Don’t ask Grace to the Snowball

He looked around the classroom wildly, sure he would see the freaky zombie chick from earlier, but she was nowhere to be seen. He crumpled the note and shoved it into his pocket, unwilling to be shaken.

By lunchtime, the energy was almost unbearable. Isaac hightailed it to the cafeteria, tripping over a senior’s outstretched leg on the way.

“Loser freshman!” The senior shouted after him as he continued down the hall, unphased. He couldn’t care; he was too busy.

When he reached the caf, he wondered why the lights were out. It took only seconds to realize that the lights weren’t out, but that the whole room was darkened by the storm clouds outside the giant windows. 

Ike plopped down on the lunch table bench between JT and Bernie. They stared at the foreboding sky and signed in unison.

“Abandon plan?” Bernie asked, too hopeful.

“What? Never!”

“But...Ike, dude. It’s going to rain. Like...biblical, torrential downpour. That’s kinda a mood-killer.”

“We just have to make an adjustment,” Ike insisted. “Let me think.”

They all sat in silence while Isaac let his brain spin. Bernie picked at the cold french fries on his lunch tray and had lifted one to his lips when Ike slapped it away.

“I’ve got it! The gym!”

“What about the gym?”JT aksed.

“I’ll ask her in the gym! I’ve got some planning to do. Keep your phones close. I’ll be in touch.”

Isaac jumped up to leave the cafeteria. Bernie tried again to bring a soggy fry to his mouth but Ike swatted it away as he leapt for the door. The fry hit a senior cheerleader named Mallory square in the back of the head and she spun around in horror.

“Did you just throw a fry at my head?” she asked Bernie, who shrank into his seat.

“N...no way….It was….It was him….” he pointed toward the door but Ike was already gone.

“You little dweeb! I’m going ruin your day!” Mallory grabbed a handful of macaroni and cheese from the tray in front of her and chucked it at Bernie.

What ensued was a food fight, the likes of which had never been seen at John Gilligan High School before or since. It was a mess of disastrous proportions. 5th period was a waste, as every teacher spent the entire 47 minutes lecturing about respecting school property and trying to gather information about who had started it all. 

Isaac sat in awe of the fact that he’d missed the whole thing. He was grateful because he hadn’t prepared a change of clothes and he needed to look his best for Grace. Still, he had a sinking feeling that he wouldn’t always get off so clean.

He tucked his phone under his desk and texted JT.

_Make the pass for Grace to the office. Make the pass for Bernie to the gym. 12 mins into 6th period. Got it?_

No response. He texted Bernie.

_Plan is a go in the gym. Bring the stuff and leave it in the locker room._

Again, no response.

“Idiots,” he whispered to himself.

6th period began and Isaac slyly asked for the bathroom pass. He made his way to the gym and waited. Bernie and JT should arrive any moment. He checked his breath and smoothed his hair. 

The gym swung open and Ike breathed a sigh of relief, until he saw who had entered.

“What do you want, Elvira?” 

“So original,” the goth girl scowled as she crossed to him. “Last chance to stop all this.”

“Not gonna happen. Don’t you have some blood to drink or something?”

“Listen, I’ve tried everything. I’ve begged, bribed, maimed and even killed to stop this whole mess from happening, but every single time, you’re too stupid to fix it.”

“Hey, I am not...wait...what are you talking about?”

“See, I’ve tried this too. Explaining it all to you. It never works.”

“Explaining what?”

“Wow...okay, here goes. Again. You and me and everyone else in this god forsaken school has been living this same day over and over again for as long as I can remember. This awful day in on endless repeat and the only reason I can see for that is because of what happens here in about 4 minutes.”

“What? You sound insane, you know that?”

“Oh, I’m aware.” She smiled to herself and then looked deep into his eyes. “Can you tell me truly that none of this seems familiar to you?”

Isaac snorted. He shook his head at her, simultaneously suppressing the queasy feeling in his stomach. It was all vaguely familiar and he had to admit that to himself. Still, he didn’t particularly feel like giving this girl the satisfaction.

“Okay, so if this has all happened before, you should know exactly what happens next, right?” The girl nodded. “Good! Prove it!” Ike crossed his arms and waited.

“Almost time…” she said, looking at her watch. “Watch the locker room door.”

Isaac obeyed her, still skeptical. At once, Bernie came bursting through the door, drenched in sweat and colorful lunch food stains.

“Dude, we gotta hide!” Bernie and the girl said in unison. Isaac shot a look at her and then at Bernie.

“Cue Carlos,” the girl quipped and backed up against the wall. Carlos Montrose, the largest 17-year-old linebacker JGHS’s football team had ever had, came marching into the gym, Bernie’s backpack looking tiny in his white-knuckled fist.

“You’re gonna ask out my girlfriend?” Carlos bellowed at Isaac.

The events that followed were a jumble but included Carlos wedging Isaac into one of the basketball hoops, dropping the bottle-rocket stuffed backpack into the other and setting it aflame. 

As everyone fled from the gym, the rockets ignited and sent a flurry of sparks and flames into the air. As the gym burned around him, Ike freed himself from the hoop and dropped in a heap on the floor. 

“Remember this,” goth girl shouted as she fled. “Please!”

The fire alarm sounded and the sprinklers activated and Ike found himself face to face with Principal Bixley.

***

“ISAAC WAKE UP!”

Ike’s head banged against the bunk rails but he shook it off and dashed to the bathroom. He suffered through 1st period, determined to keep his eyes on the prize. So what if Grace had no idea he existed? He was going to blow her mind with his dance proposal and she would wonder where he’d been all her life.

He had only three minutes to get his book from his locker and dash to History, so he was unamused to find a girl blocking his locker door.

“Move.”

“Listen, I think I’ve got it this time.” The girl seemed like she might jump out of her skin.

“Relax, Morticia. Can you kindly get out of my way?”

“Whatever you do, don’t hit Bernie at lunch!”

“Uh...I feel like that was a threat? But also, you’re making no sense. So, please leave before I call the loony bin.” Ike stared at her and was suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling that he’d seen her before. She seemed so sincere, albeit insane. Something sparked behind her eyes; it looked hopeful. “You know...you’d be kinda hot if you put down the eyeliner once in a while.”

“W...you’ve never said that before…” She became more agitated and her hands were trembling. Ike scoffed at her and used the opportunity to get past her and into his locker.

“Don’t let it go to your head,” he balked, grabbing his book and slamming the door. He started to jog away when he heard her call after him.

“Remember! Don’t hit Bernie at lunch! Okay?! Remember!!”

People were staring and Ike sprinted to class, rolling his eyes. The last thing he needed was a total weirdo shouting at him in the hallways. Not a good look.

By lunchtime, he was frustrated by his unraveling plans. The weather was uncooperative and his friends were moronic. Still, he knew he could make things work if he planned accordingly. He tried to think through it but he needed Bernie and JT to focus.

“Can you cut it out with those fries?” Bernie froze in shock. Ike felt the urge to slap the fry from his pudgy fingers but the creepy girl’s words echoes in his memory. He lowered his hand and took a deep breath.

“Sorry, Ike,” Bernie mumbled, shoving the fry into his mouth and pushing his tray away from him. 

“Forget it. I need more headspace. Keep your phones close. I’ll be in touch.”

By 6th period, all plans were in place and Ike waited in the gym. When Bernie burst in, sweating and red-faced, it felt predictable somehow.

“Are you going tell me to hide?” Ike asked and Bernie nodded frantically. “Wow, serious deja vu.”

Goth girl’s voice was in his head again. Everything about the moment felt familiar. More than familiar, it felt routine. He’d been here before. Even as the gym burned down around him, he heard her voice repeating.

“Remember this! Please! Remember this! Please…..”

***

“Why are you always here?” Ike asked the girl, suddenly self-conscious of the giant bump on his forehead from the bunk bed.

“W..what?”

“You’re always here at my locker...aren’t you?”

“Whoa. Okay, okay, okay….wait a second. What do you mean, always?” She looked exhausted and desperate.

“I don’t know what I mean,” he retorted, feeling silly. “Now, can you get off my locker?”

“You remember me? Tell me you remember!” She grabbed his arms, causing a scene. Isaac shook her off and tried not to panic.

“Would you stop it; you’re embarrassing me.”

“Remember this! Please!!”

Her words were like a bolt of lightning. Suddenly he could see the whole day laid out in front of him. The food fight, Carlos, the gym, the fire. He felt like he might faint. 

“I think I just had a vision….” he mumbled. 

“You remember, don’t you? Oh my god, please say you remember!” 

“Hey, I don’t know who you are or what just happened, but I gotta get to class.”

“No! We have to stop it from happening! Please, it’s the only way to stop this. It’s the only way we can all be free.” She was crying, her dark makeup running dramatically down her face.

“Uh huh...okay, bye crazy,” he shouted as he raced away from her.

He spent the rest of the day trying to forget what happened. Yet, it seemed that every moment had been lived before. His vision, or whatever it was, was unfolding before him. Every detail played out as he’d seen it and it was freaking him out. Still, he was determined to follow through with his plan. Once Grace was his Snowball date, he could put all this weirdness behind him.

He waited in the gym, intense deja vu making everything seem foggy. When the girl appeared in doorway, his stomach turned. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Please, it’s all up to you Isaac. Stop this. Save yourself. Save all of us.”

“You’re completely deranged, you know that? Why won’t you just leave me alone?”

“I keep telling you! We’re all trapped in this endless loop and its because you have to fix this day. You have to! I’m the only one who knows the truth but you’re the only one who can change it. I’ve tried everything else.”

“I don’t know what you think I can do!”

“Leave the gym. Get out of here now and never think about Grace again!”

“Oh come ON!” Isaac laughed loudly. Clearly, this girl had some issues. “Just because no one is asking you to the Snowball….”

“SHUT UP! It’s so not about that…”

The locker room door burst open and Bernie dashed it, panting. The girl looked at Isaac, defeated and tearful.

“I have tried everything else. Please, believe me, Ike.”

“Dude, we gotta hide!” Bernie begged. 

Isaac looked at him and then at the girl. His vision of Carlos attacking him flashed in his memory. He could see the flames and smell the smoke. He could see Principal Bixley’s angry face and hear the word ‘expelled’. In a fit of madness, he ran from the gym.

He sprinted up the hallway, the sounds of Bernie’s heavy footfall and labored breathing at his heels. Seconds later, there was an explosion. Ike skidded to a stop and spun around in time to see think smoke billowing from the gym.

“Dude…” Bernie whispered. 

Students and teachers poured into the hallways to investigate. The fire alarm had sounded and everyone began to evacuate. Isaac could only stare in shock.

Everyone was dismissed after the fire, but Ike heard that Carlos had been detained and possibly expelled. He sat in this room, trying to wrap his head around what had happened. Nothing made much sense. Still, he was struck by the feeling that something in the universe had shifted. 

“So, how did it go with your girlfriend?” Taylor teased. Ike had been so deep in contemplation, he hadn’t noticed his little brother had entered the room.

“She’s not my girlfriend. It was stupid of my to think she ever would be.”

“You okay?” Taylor seemed thrown by this sudden air of self pity.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Ike reassured him. His head throbbed and he patted his goose-egg lightly. “It was just...a very long day.”

***

Ike stood in front of the door to what was once the gym. Yellow caution tape was plastered across every inch of the door frame. The school day had only just begun, but every hour felt like a day. 

Poor Bernie had been suspended for bringing fireworks to school. Like a true friend, he never snitched on Ike but did make him promise to buy his lunch for the rest of the year. It seemed like a fair trade. 

“Sad, isn’t it?” 

Ike looked up toward the voice beside him. It was Grace. His heart leapt into his throat. She was so hot. He straightened up and tried to stay cool.

“Yeah, I mean, it was a great gymnasium.” He replied, lowering his voice solemnly. 

“I meant about Carlos? Some dorky freshman was planning to ask me to the Snowball-- can you even imagine? Me with like...well, _you_?” She tossed her perfect hair and laughed. “Anyway, Carlos was only standing up for me.”

Ike shrank three feet and chuckled softly.

“Yeah….what a stupid freshman…”

“You idiot freshman ruin everything,” she sighed. “Later, _child_.” She stomped away from him, leaving rabid disgust in her wake.

“Thank you.” 

A new voice from behind him made him spin around sharply. It was the goth girl. She was smiling. 

“For what?” 

“Believing me. Finally.” 

“Hey, I don’t know what really happened yesterday…but it seems like you saved my butt. In more ways than one.” 

“Grace is a bitch. You can do better.” 

Isaac was stunned by how much prettier she looked to him. Something about her had changed. Her smile made him feel warm. He smiled back at her. 

“You think so?” 

“See you around, Ike.” 

She turned to leave and he looked back at the charbroiled gym door. What if it had all been true? How long had she been trying to get through to him? He spun around and spotted her, already halfway up the hall. 

>“HEY!” 

She stopped and turned around to face him. Everyone in the packed hallway turned their attention to him. 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you...have a minute?”

She smiled again and this time his heart did full somersaults. She giggled her answer. 

“For all we know, I’ve got all the time in the world.”<


	11. Madeline

Isaac couldn’t even remember a time when he didn’t have a crush on Madeline. They had gone to school together since the first grade, and it seemed like no matter what other girls he met, he would always go back to her in his mind - her green eyes and her wide smile and the way her golden bangs framed her face. In middle school their lockers were right next to each other, and he had nearly fainted every time he had to switch out his books. He hated the power she had over him, and he hated even more that she had no idea she had the power in the first place. 

Isaac hauled his guitar to and from school every day, hoping that _someone_ would see it and ask him to play her a song, but the opportunity never arose. He sighed deeply whenever she asked him for a pencil in English class, remembering the moment hours later when he was home and hiding from his little brothers in his bedroom. He wasn’t sure if anyone would call this what being “in love” was like, but he didn’t really care for it. It made him ache, and yet, he couldn’t seem to shake her from his thoughts. 

Senior year had, for the most part, been pretty easy. He was coasting his way to the finish line, all of his hard classes out of the way, making plenty of room for bunny courses like ceramics and choir. He was excited for graduation, but scared of the unknown. He still had no idea what was on the horizon for him, and the thought terrified him. He was so used to being surrounded by people - siblings, classmates, friends from youth group. He wasn’t sure what it would be like to move on and be all alone. 

But he still had a month to figure that out, and before graduation arrived, he would have to get through senior prom. 

He wished he could say the idea to ask Madeline to prom had come to him suddenly in the middle of the day out of nowhere, but the truth was he had been planning on asking her since the day he found out what prom was. He put it off as long as possible, always looking for the right moment to do it - the exact words that would sweep her off her feet and proclaim that yes of course she would go with him! But, the moment never presented itself to him. Something was always off. There were too many people around, it was raining, she seemed distracted, he got too nervous….the list was endless. It was two weeks out from the dance when he finally plucked up the courage and made a plan. 

Before school he stopped at the grocery store and bought a dozen roses. He wished he could have bought every rose in the store, but he didn’t have enough money and he figured she wouldn’t know what to do with that many flowers. He and Taylor usually rode their bikes to and from school together, but he told his brother to ride ahead and he would see him at school later that day. Taylor didn’t seem to care, and rode off, leaving Ike to his task. 

When he got to school, he immediately felt people’s eyes on him and the bouquet of bright red flowers he was toting. He knew exactly where Madeline stood before the 8:30am bell, signalling the beginning of the school day. He knew what friends she would be with, and he knew the route she would take to her first class. He took a deep breath, and walked down the hall. 

“These are for you,” he said, hoping he was loud enough for her to hear him and turn around. She was surrounded by the group of girls that seemed to only move in a pack, and six faces snapped towards him at once, ogling his awkward limbs and the roses he now found to be a bit garish. He started to rethink everything. 

“For me?” She asked, clearly surprised. 

“Yeah. I um...I wanted to know if you would uh...go to prom with me.” 

He saw the girls hide their faces, stifling laughter. Madeline didn’t laugh, though. Her face was warm and comforting, even though he could tell she was about to reveal bad news. 

“You already have a date, don’t you. That’s fine! You should still keep the flowers, though.” 

She nodded regretfully. “Thank you, Isaac.” 

“Who are you going with?” 

Her eyes darted away from his nervously and she shifted from one foot to the other. 

“Um...I’m going with Taylor.” 

“My...brother?” 

“Yeah.”

“But he’s a sophomore, he can’t go unless…” 

He couldn’t believe it. Surely Taylor knew that Isaac had been in love with this girl for years. Over a decade, in fact. 

“I asked him.” 

He turned quickly, his eyes scanning the hallway for the hair that seemed to make every girl in this god forsaken school swoon. He was gonna kill him. Or at least punch him. He would have to see Madeline at prom...wearing a corsage that Taylor picked out. 

“Isaac, I’m sorry!!” Madeline called out after him, clearly not understanding the gravity of the situation. He had waited twelve years for this moment, and it felt like the world was crashing down around him. The worst part was, he knew that he would fall into the trap the next time she smiled at him, or told him what chapters they had to read, or passed him in the cafeteria. He would feel his stomach flip and his heart flutter and he would be right back at the beginning, as though it was the first day of first grade and he was just laying his eyes on her. 

He didn’t see Taylor all day, but when they rode home that afternoon, Ike could barely look at him. 

“You okay, man?” Taylor asked about halfway through the ride, clearly unnerved by the silence. 

“I’m fine.” 

“If you say so.” 

“You’re going to prom with Madeline? My Madeline??” 

“She’s not _your_ Madeline, dude. She also asked me so…” 

“You know what I mean. You know I like her.” 

“I know that you could have asked her weeks ago and you didn't. She probably would have gone with you, ya know.” 

“No she wouldn’t have! She obviously likes you!” 

“Oh calm down, I’m sure you can find someone to go with.” 

“But...it was supposed to be her. It was always supposed to be her.” 

“I’m sorry, okay! I can tell her I can’t go, if that’s what you want.” 

Isaac almost took him up on the offer. Maybe if Taylor bailed, Madeline would call him and see if his offer still stood. The thought of her on the phone was all at once amazing and panic inducing. But he didn’t want to be her second choice, a pity date because his brother felt bad. 

“No...no go to prom with her. It’s fine. I’ll...get over it.” 

“Suit yourself,” Taylor said with a shrug and pedalled quickly so he pulled ahead of his brother. Isaac slowed down, attempting to put as much distance between himself and Taylor as possible. He wondered if he would ever get another chance with Madeline, or if this was it. He wondered if she even was as perfect as he imagined her to be. He wondered if she would have a good time with Taylor, or if she would end up going home disappointed, wishing she had gone with him instead. 

He heaved a sigh and continued pedalling. 

_Only one more month_ , he told himself. For the first time, he was excited about moving on.


	12. With You In Your Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a "deleted scene" from CRICKET, by HarperJean.

_“Don’t cry, I’m with you, don’t cry, I’m by your side_ …Hmm... _don’t cry I’m with you. Don’t cry_ ,” Taylor sang the bit of melody over and over, trying to get it right. I sat patiently, with my hands on the keys as if I were actually about to start playing. He shook his head quickly, resetting his mind, and started the song over, the gentle piano part immediately making my heart ache. I didn’t know how he did that.

“ _If I’m gone when you wake up, please don’t cry_ …”

“Is this about mom?” I interrupted him, rudely. I had been silent for over an hour, just sitting with him while he wrote, rolling the words and notes around in his mouth until they sounded right.

“Yeah."

“Hmm.”

“She was in my dream last night.”

“Wait, really?” I asked, a pang of jealousy vibrating through my body. Mom never came and visited _my_ dreams. If she was traipsing around through our brains, she should at least try to see all of her children.

“Yeah. It was pretty simple. Just the two of us sitting at the piano like we used to when she was teaching me how to play. I thought maybe this was the melody she was playing, but I can’t quite remember. The harder I think about it the farther away it seems.”

“Do you even remember her that well?” 

“Yeah, I do. I don’t really know how. But I do. I remember her reading to me when I came into her bedroom and I remember her teaching me to play, obviously. I remember her looking up at me from her pillow when she had been crying or sleeping for hours and she would smile, like I was a...like I was…”

“An angel,” I finished. I knew the look well. I had seen my mother give Taylor that look plenty of times, and I was sure that the look had crossed my own face more than once.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he said with a snort. I nudged his arm playfully and grabbed his hands, placing the back on the keys.

“You’re so close. I can hear the song, just keep going.”

“No...no I can’t remember it. It’s useless.”

“It’s not! So what if it doesn’t sound exactly like it did in your dream? Nothing is like it ever is in our dreams.”

“Deep.”

“Shut up. Keep going, come on.”

“Do you miss her?” he asked me. 

“Ummm...I don’t really know. I guess I miss having a mom. I miss having another girl in the house and having someone to cook for us and be around when we cry. But I don’t know if I miss _her_. I didn’t really know her.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right. We were young.”

“Why, do you?”

“Maybe. I’ve been thinking about it a lot since the dream. She’s always kind of hovering right at the edge of my thoughts, like she’s trying to tell me something. I don’t know, that sounds pretty crazy now that I’m saying it out loud…”

“No it doesn’t. It sounds exactly like something you would say.”

Taylor chuckled and began to plunk out a few more notes. I supposed that was the tricky thing about having someone who was such a part of us, but who was gone forever. Someone we barely even knew before she left. I felt like no matter what I did, that scar would never completely heal. It would be branded on me until the day I died. 

“I wish I was better at this…” Taylor mumbled, closing the piano quickly and almost smashing my fingers in the lid. “Whoops, sorry,” he said half-heartedly. He got up from the bench and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I trailed him like a puppy. Years later, after Taylor had died, I would sit at the very same piano and think the very same thing. _I wish I was better at this._

I spent weeks writing a simple song that probably would have taken Taylor a couple hours, at most. 

Songwriting was never a gift that was bestowed upon me, like it was my brothers. They were gifted musicians, even if they never made a career out of it. Taylor probably could have, if given the chance. 

Taylor stood by the counter gulping down his water. It was summer, and we had no shortage of sundrenched hours throughout the day to fill. 

“You wanna go to the pool?” I offered, knowing that Taylor wouldn’t want to leave the piano until he had cracked the musical code from his dream. 

“You go on without me. I’ll meet you guys when I’m done.” 

I wasn’t a huge fan of going anywhere without Taylor, but I knew him well enough to know when I needed to get out of his hair and let him be alone with his thoughts. I climbed the stairs to see if my other brothers wanted to go to the pool. That was always the solution to boredom on summer days. The neighborhood pool was consistently filled with kids also trying to escape the monotony of the season - with no school to keep us busy, it was easiest to lay a towel down on a lounge chair and spend hours splashing in the chlorinated water. 

“Ike? Zac?” I called down the hallway. Two heads popped out of Ike’s room. That was the way it usually went. When the four of us weren’t in a clump, we paired off - Ike and Zac, Taylor and Cricket. 

“Pool?” Ike asked, anticipating my next question.

“Yeah, if you want.” 

“Sure, go put on your suit.” 

As I was changing into my bathing suit and pulling my hair into a tight braid, I heard music once again wafting up from the living room. It really was beautiful, even if it wasn’t exactly what he had heard the night before in his dream. I quickly pulled an oversized t-shirt over myself and crept down the stairs to hear what he had so far. 

_“If I’m gone when you wake up, please don’t cry_   
_If I’m gone when you wake up, it’s not goodbye_   
_Don’t look back at this time as a time of heartbreak and distress_   
_Remember me….remember me…_   
_‘Cause I’ll be with you in your dreams…”_

I was envious that he felt so close to our mother that he could write something so beautiful and poignant. In my entire life, I would never be able to connect to her on that level. I never saw her in my dreams. Not once. I did, however, dream about this moment many times after Taylor passed. Me sneaking down the stairs, him singing with his eyes closed, the warm summer air stagnant inside the house, something keeping me from speaking up and interrupting him. 

He looked up from the keys and saw me watching. 

“It’s perfect, Tay.”


	13. Man From Milwaukee

The scratching sound intensified and Zac had no choice but to investigate. He rolled over, careful not to cause the bed to creak. He searched blindly in the darkness for the flashlight he kept on his nightstand, knocking everything else off in the process. 

He winced and froze, hoping the commotion wouldn’t wake anyone. The clock on top of the dresser read ‘4:07’. Zac knew that no one in his house would take too kindly to being awakened at that hour, least of all his brothers. They had reached the threshold for what they could handle from him lately.

He took a moment to calm his pounding heart and stood up slowly. His foot collided with something solid and cylindrical. He reached down and was relieved to find the flashlight. The scratching sound broke the silence like an alarm and he dashed to the dresser, tripping over his own feet on the way. He threw open the bottom drawer and click on the flashlight, searching frantically for the source of the sound. 

When his fingers found the brick-like object, hidden beneath a stack of old jeans that no longer fit him, he extinguished the light. He fished the walkie-talkie from the drawer and bolted from the room and down the stairs to the kitchen.

The scratching had continued, but now there were intermittent beeps and hums mingled in. He sat at the kitchen table and caught his breath, before bringing the walkie to his mouth and pressing the button.

“H...hello?” 

He had only been six when he received the walkie-talkie he was holding in his hands, but he remembered the day clearly. He and his family were driving through the desert, his parents forcing them all to squeeze into the minivan and travel to the Grand Canyon. Zac was excited to get to their destination, but the journey had been harrowing. It was a fifteen hour drive, and with so many young children in the car, he couldn’t imagine that his parents were happy with their decision. 

They stopped at a gas station every few hours to stretch their legs and placate the kids with sodas and bags of chips. Zac sucked down so much Mountain Dew that day that he was trembling in his seat, basically vibrating against the seatbelt. 

“Are we there yet!?” He practically yelled towards the front seat. His father grunted in response. 

“What do you think, Zachary?” Isaac said, rolling his eyes at his little brother. 

“I don’t know, I was just wondering!!” 

“Well, no, we are not there yet. When you see a huge hole in the ground, then you’ll know we’re there,” Isaac quipped. He would later regret this comment, because every time Zac saw a pothole in the road or a ditch in the distance he would shriek “WE’RE HERE!” 

When they finally did arrive, it was impossible for Zac to do anything but run in circles, kicking up dust and driving his family crazy.

“Why don’t you go...find some rocks to collect or something,” Taylor suggested, trying as usual to prevent any major conflict from erupting. 

“Good idea!” Zac shouted and took off in the opposite direction of his family. 

No one but Taylor even noticed him break away. There were plenty of people around and he didn’t see any harm in getting lost for a while. He zipped through the crowds, fueled by Mountain Dew and adrenaline. He spotted a pile of large boulders in the distance and suddenly wanted nothing more than to climb to the very top.

He was about to mount the first boulder when something caught his eye. It was wedged between two rocks and covered mostly in dust, but it was bright yellow and clearly not part of the landscape.

He reached down to retrieve it, and it took some effort, but he finally fished it out of its hiding place. His eyes grew wide when he realized it was a walkie-talkie. He’d always wanted one and suddenly he was holding the coolest walkie he’d ever seen. It was yellow and shiny, with buttons and switches and a retractable antenna. 

He looked around, sure that someone would spot him with it and try to claim it for their own. When he was sure no one was watching, he climbed to the top of the pile and sat down in the sun.

He pressed the largest button on the side of the walkie and pressed it. It let out a little beep and it startled him. He steadied his hands and pressed the button again, holding it down this time.

“Yo, is anybody there?” 

The sound that came through was muffled and fully of static, but there was no denying that someone...or something...was trying to respond. It was too garbled for Zac to understand. 

“Hello??” He tried again, pushing the buttons harder, as though that would help his message go through. 

He waited a few seconds, frustrated that his find had turned out to be junk. 

The static came through again. He heard other noises too; a high pitched whine, beeps, something whirring. He could almost make out a voice speaking on the other end. Maybe they were out of range. Zac looked around and saw a small rise to his left. Maybe if he got some elevation, he would be able to hear what was trying to be communicated. 

He took off running, stumbling on the loose gravel of the path. He had no idea what his family was up to, and hoped that no one had sent Taylor to come looking for him. He crested the top of the small hill and looked around to make sure he wasn’t being watched. 

“Hello? Anyone there?” 

The static returned and Zac let out an audible groan. Just as he was about to give up hope, however, the whirring overtook the static, and then cleared. He could hear the voice again. But this time, he could make it out. 

“This is mother bird, calling baby bird. I repeat, this is mother bird, calling baby bird. Come in baby bird.” 

Zac’s eyes widened with delight and confusion. He felt like he was standing on the precipice of some great adventure - something exciting and thrilling that was totally unlike his cramped home in Tulsa, where he was just one of many children instead of the hero of an epic tale. 

“This is baby bird?” He replied, a question in his voice. He knew he wasn’t actually the person that whoever was on the other end of the walkie was looking for, but he didn’t want the adventure to end yet. He was just getting started. 

“Baby bird, what is your current station ID?” The voice was distorted and the whirring became louder. Zac wracked his brain for any semblance of a _station ID_. He looked around wildly for any clue, but his excitement was too much for his focus.

“Uh... Grand Canyon, USA?” He waited anxiously for an answer, trying to be patient with the noisy static. He waited for what seemed like an eternity until the garbled voice returned.

“Baby bird, you’re being called back to mother bird immediately. The Albertane Explorers Association is located at station ID 89265 West. Baby bird, report by 0600 hours or you’ll be left behind.”

“Yeah...yeah, okay…” Zac’s mind was spinning with possibilities. “Um, mother bird? Where is that station ID exactly?”

He waited, feeling like a dope. Surely, by now, whomever he was speaking to knew he wasn’t Baby Bird. Still, he knew he couldn’t pass up this chance. He had to try. The static cleared and he clutched the walkie hopefully.

“Baby bird, station ID 89265 West is Sandia Peak Tramway, Albuquerque, New Mexico. Baby bird, is your GLM malfunctioning?”

“Yeah, yeah….its the GLM for sure. Over?” Zac couldn’t believe he was getting away with it. 

“Stay put, baby bird. Our GLM scan will locate you and bring you in. Over and out.”

“ZACHARY HANSON.” 

Zac turned around cautiously and saw his mother. He couldn’t help but think that when she was mad she looked significantly taller than her petite frame gave her credit for. She marched towards him. 

“Did you think running off without telling anyone was a good idea?” She called from below. 

Zac shoved the walkie behind his back. _Busted_ , he thought, dejectedly. 

“Taylor told me to!” 

“Told you to what?” 

“Go...find some rocks??” He knew he was fighting a losing battle. 

“Well, get down here! We were all loading back into the van to check into the hotel for the night and no one could find you. I would rather get through this vacation without a minor heart attack, young man.” 

“Fine,” Zac mumbled, carelessly loping down the small hill and meeting his mother at the bottom. He slid the walkie into his back pocket and trailed behind her like a forlorn puppy. 

“Where the heck have you been?” Ike asked when they approached the van. Acting quickly, Zac put the yellow walkie into his backpack, hoping he could get it out later and explain to Mother Bird that his location had changed. Maybe who ever was Mother Bird could come get him and take him away from his overbearing family.

He shrugged. “Just exploring.” 

His father pulled the car out of the parking lot and turned onto a winding road that would take them to their hotel. As they were driving away, Zac’s attention was drawn to the back window, where he swore he saw something flying low in the sky. It was out of sight by the time he looked. 

He kept the walkie for five years, shoved in a dresser drawer, hidden from sight. It never made a sound...until now. 

“Hello?” he tried again, hoping to hear voices without having to climb up on the roof. He heard blips of a voice; fragments of a sentence.

“Baby….in...come in...repeat...bird.” 

“It’s me! It’s me, it’s baby bird. I’m here! O...over.” 

The scratching continued, but the voice was no longer there. He looked up to the ceiling, wondering the best way to get to the roof. He had to try.


End file.
